Copyright © 2021 Lee Spirit
I’ve been in gorgeous Jasper, Alberta, Canada this week, and what a special little retreat into nature this was, as you can see in the photo! I seem to have more time while away on vacation to be present and reflect on things. I have more time to get right into a good book without all the distractions of home. My current read is Michael Brown’s book, “The Presence Process”, which you can find in the References section if you’re interested. It’s a journey into present moment awareness, and integrating your feelings so that you can heal from addictions or past traumas. He explains why positive thinking doesn’t work, and what will work instead.
I want to write about this topic today because you may feel that my posts on positive thinking, affirmations, and mindfulness are all about the power of positivity. Really, being mindful does not mean being positive. It means being aware enough that you can be a witness to all your thoughts and feelings – Good and bad.
One of the reasons why positive thinking doesn’t work is that we try to smooth things over with positivity when really under the surface, we feel miserable. That is a sure way to make the misery come back at us with greater force because suppressing feelings isn’t expressing feelings. Suppression doesn’t get rid of depression, anger, shame, guilt, or resentment. On the contrary, it keeps them coming back!
Positive Thinking and Affirmations Help, But Don’t Cure
If you’ve been reading some of my posts, you’ll know that I am a great believer in positive affirmations. These are thoughts we repeat to ourselves that affirm our worth, or keep in mind something positive to reflect on during the day or week. I find that if you repeat these affirmations, such as, “I am worthy of love, care, and attention”, then you really do shift your negative thought patterns into something more positive. With enough practice, you start to believe and then feel that truth – That you ARE worthy of love, care, and attention.
To get some practice and try positive affirmations for yourself, check out my MindfulNatureNut Affirmations Colouring Book! It’s a really healthy way for yourself or your children to get acquainted with the positive thinking process. But it’s just a start!
Your work does not end there! Positive thinking and affirmations are great, but they are not the cure of your deeper feelings within. The reason they are not the cure is because they do not address the root cause of your suffering. Until you get to the root of your feelings, you will be trying to mask over them, like pasting a happy smile on your face when really you want to cry tears of sorrow. If that is your truth within, it will only resurface, even after all the positive thinking and affirmations work you’ve started.
As Michael Brown says in his book, “The way out is through”. You must feel what you feel, and know the root cause of why you feel that way so that you can move through your pain and suffering.
Why Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work When We Need a Change
We may recognize that a change is needed in our lives when we are unhappy with our circumstances. The first thing we try to do, as Michael Brown says, is we rearrange our physical surroundings thinking it will solve our problems. This gives us a temporary boost of positive feeling at the newness of our physical surroundings.
For example, after any breakup, I tend to need to paint my walls, or rearrange my furniture and make it new as a way of releasing the old. Some people need to move to another province or country when they are not happy where they are.
These are not bad things to do, and are not bad ways of dealing with pain. Just recognize that your pain doesn’t go away by covering it up with a fresh coat of paint. As the saying goes, “Wherever you go, you take yourself with you”, or “Wherever you go, there you are!” Moving to another abode, province, or country may not get rid of the loneliness, self-animosity, or grief if you haven’t allowed yourself to feel those things, and learn why those feelings exist in the first place. It’s when you move through the painful feelings that you can let go of the habitual patterns and tendencies that keep us from moving forward. Unfortunately, a change of physical surroundings won’t cut it if we haven’t gone through the process.
The Process For Moving From Positive Thinking To Positive Being
It’s a good distinction to make between “thinking” and “being”. When someone asks, “How are you?” how do you respond? I sometimes respond with what I’ve been doing – what I’ve been up to – Not how I’m being, or how I really feel. Similarly, there’s a difference with thinking positive and being positive. As mentioned, when we think positively, it sets our minds in motion for something that replaces our negative thought patterns. This is a great first step, but working through the process of becoming more positive – Being more positive – is what will set us free from our negative tendencies.
Again, why positive thinking doesn’t work is because we are consciously trying to be positive, while underneath the surface, we have these unconscious thought patterns that have become habitual enough that we eventually fall back into our old patterns. Positive thinking and affirmations are not enough!
So what can we do to get out of the endless cycle of negativity that we find ourselves in?
Get to the root! You need to go deep inside to access the underlying emotion you are feeling. By feeling it and understanding it, you allow yourself to transform. Thinking and feeling must happen in harmony.
Getting To the Deeper Emotions Inside
How do you access these deeper emotions inside? A lot of this can be achieved through breath work. I always highly recommend kundalini yoga for this, as it’s a yoga that moves the breath subtly, yet powerfully, and releases the stagnant energy in the body. When you get into breath awareness, you become more present, and through presence, you feel what’s going on in your physical body. What your body feels is the way to realize where there is “stuckness”.
For instance, I often have a sore neck, and while I can use the excuse that it’s from laptop work and poor posture, it may really be that I have a blocked throat chakra from not using my voice, or expressing myself and my truth in the world.
If I then really examine why I don’t use my voice and express myself, it may go back to something in childhood, adolescence, or even adulthood. Allowing myself to go back to a particular occasion or event from my past may be painful, but once I figure out my “why” about how I feel, and allow myself to really feel the pain, I start to integrate those feelings of old, and heal the wounds of the past. In doing so, I can harmonize my thinking and feeling, and transform in positive ways.
Remember that by shoving old feelings down and blocking certain things out that you don’t want to feel, you are suppressing something that will repeatedly come back if it is not felt and integrated. It’s not easy to move through painful emotions, so it takes a consistent effort and a lot of self-love.
Always Be Kind To Yourself and Others
If you were consoling a child, you wouldn’t beat them up for feeling the way they do. So treat yourself with the same love, kindness, and tenderness that you would a child as you go through this self-introspection, and revisitation of past, painful emotions.
When we are kind to ourselves, we can feel the warmth of our own love that radiates from within. We can then extend that kindness towards others in a natural way. Developing the habit of supporting ourselves and others creates a beautiful circle of loving kindness. What we give is reflected back to us.
You may want to try my Meditation To Relax, Love What Is, Break Habits, and Be Happy to get you into the right state of being for feeling emotions, breaking habits, and being positive.
Don’t Give Up If At First You Don’t Succeed
Tuning into your emotions can be tough. You may think you’ve felt through everything you need to feel to start being the positive soul you’ve always wanted to be. But then you notice yourself always retreating into your comfort zone of negative thought processes and habits.
When that happens, just know that with kind, consistent, gentle action, you are taking steps to get to where you want to be. There will be some regression, some mistakes made along the way. This is natural, and you don’t have to be perfect. That’s why it’s called the “Presence Process”. It’s a process, and you are a work in progress! Don’t beat yourself up over it. Instead practice that loving kindness towards yourself and tell yourself how wonderful you are for making progress on your journey to enlightenment, or whatever your journey may be!
This is really just the beginning of the process, but it’s a great place to start and gives you an idea of why positive thinking doesn’t work, and the work you have to do to get to the root cause of your emotions. This will help bring about the transformation you need going forward! Stay tuned, as there may be a part two!
Lee Spirit is an avid outdoors adventurer with a love for nature, photography, health & fitness, wellness, and spirituality. She helps those who suffer from anxiety & negative thinking to become healthier in mind-body-spirit. Her own personal journey has led her to the study and practice of mindfulness, health, wellness, yoga, spirituality, sound healing, meditation, and personal development for over 20 years. Get mindfulness, meditation, and personal development tips in her Free Natural Mind Healing Report.