Copyright © 2021 Lee Spirit

Sunsets and sunrises – not to mention Northern Lights galore in Alberta lately – always remind me of love and spirit! While I didn’t stay up to catch the Northern Lights, I have seen some incredible skies, like this one in Nanaimo. The wispy clouds, and bright colours always remind me of the magnificent dance and flow of love, and the angel spirits all around us. This brings me to today’s topic which is softening the armour of our hearts so that we can give and receive unconditional love with ease and flow.

What Kind of Armour Do You Wear Around Your Heart?

When we are born, we are pure consciousness, love, and light. Nothing in the outside world has affected us, or changed us. There is no reason for us to be self-conscious, defensive, angry, bitter, or resentful. We gather these emotions as we progress through life, altered by our circumstances, environment, and the many teachers all around us. As a results, we build armour around our hearts – Walls that shield and protect us from whatever hurts life, and other people, throw at us. We all have it. What type of armour have you built around your heart and why?

My armour might include shifting negative communication to something more positive, i.e. Changing the subject. I do this often with my family when I hear complaining or negativity that isn’t doing any of us any good. When I can’t keep my cool on an issue like wearing masks or vaccinations, I may burst into anger or defensiveness. Alternately, I often go completely silent, don’t speak up at all, and withdraw from people, or relationships.

Someone else may over-serve by being too nice and accommodating to others, setting their own needs aside. Perhaps humour is the armour you choose to avoid unpleasant talk. Maybe you become a workaholic, an addict, or a perfectionist to avoid or smooth-over the unpleasantries of life. Many of us choose to change our physical surroundings or move to a new home. All of these are blockages or temporary fixes.

Click Here Now To Open Your Heart and Love More Fully

Understanding Your “Why?”

So we know armour is our defence mechanism. How do we melt the armour around our hearts? It’s good to protect ourselves, but at the same time, we don’t want heavy armour because it also blocks our ability to give and receive unconditional love freely.

To melt the armour, we need to heal and understand why. Healing means integrating our feelings and emotions in our physical bodies. Knowing where our pain resides, allowing the pain, and allowing the feelings to pass through us is integration. This is not an easy or even desirable process. No one wants to feel pain, but it’s necessary in order to the melt the armour.

Some of us have been badly abused, or discriminated against, hence we build our wall of armour. Some of us feel our voices are never heard or understood. Perhaps you were neglected and ignored as a child. While we want to live in a state of present moment awareness, it’s good to go back into your history, and really uncover the root cause of all your suffering. It usually stems back to a single event in childhood that shaped your reactions forever. Understanding your “why”, and feeling your “why” is the key to dismantling that armour around your heart.

In the quiet space of a regular meditation practice, we can come to understand our “why”. Why do you react this way when someone upsets you? Get to the feeling through a neutral mind, achieved during meditation, yoga, a walk out in nature, or a kayak at sunset – Whatever brings you inner peace.

Typical Reactions When You Don’t Understand Your “Why”

Many of us go through life blindly, reacting to every situation as it comes, and never slowing down to reflect on our “why”. This may come up as flying off the handle over an issue with someone else – Arguing, blaming, judging, and criticizing. We may feel guilty, shameful, bitter, or resentful.

When we don’t understand or feel through our “why”, a few things might happen:

• You may attack others – blaming, judging, criticizing, shaming, belittling
• Attacking yourself – self-loathing, self-belittlement, self-animosity
• You may go into avoidance-mode – avoiding people, places, or things
• Becoming withdrawn – from relationships, events, or issues

Moving Out of Reaction Into Response & Unconditional Love

Obviously we don’t want to stay in this unpleasant place of attack-avoid-withdraw…Rather, we want to come into that calm space of neutrality where we begin to respond instead of react. This allows unconditional love to be given and received freely. When we’re in our comfort zones, we may be a little too comfortable. No learning takes place in this zone because we aren’t challenging ourselves. The neutral ground we seek is one where we’re slightly uncomfortable, learning, and vulnerable.

We can achieve this largely through empathy for others – Making others feel seen, heard, respected, and understood.

What Does Unconditional Love Really Mean?

When we empathize with others, as well as ourselves, this melts the armour around our hearts, and we soften to unconditional love.

We might think we know what unconditional love is. It’s searching for another person who will complete us, right? Maybe it’s doing things or saying things that you know will get someone’s attention. Are you addicted to those “likes” and “loves” on social media? Is this unconditional love?

The problem with this thinking is that whenever we seek outside of ourselves for love, we are placing a condition on the love. We’re wanting attention and love from someone else. While we all want this same love and attention, we don’t realize that love comes from within us, not by doing something to earn someone’s love. If we keep this up, we are sure to create an experience of love based on conditions, and this can really hurt when we realize we don’t have the unconditional love we wanted.

Give Yourself What You Need

When we give ourselves what we need, and the feeling that what we seek provides, then we are unconditionally loving ourselves.

For example, if you want someone’s attention, and they give it to you, how do you feel inside? You feel loved, noticed, heard, seen, understood, warm. So you try to get their attention more and more so they will give you that feeling. This is very conditional.

What it takes to give and receive unconditional love is to give yourself those feelings. Love yourself, listen to yourself, see yourself, accept yourself, understand yourself, be with yourself, nurture yourself, create warmth inside yourself from heart and soul. Then you will be brimming with your own internal fountain of love.

Allow Your Unconditional Love Fountain To Overflow

When your fountain is overflowing, you can’t help but share the same with others. We’re not getting love from another. We are sharing the experience of our own self-love with another, who hopefully is brimming with their own self-love.

Remember, unconditional love is not about getting love. It’s about giving and receiving. Learning, too, as Michael Brown notes in his brilliant book, The Presence Process, that giving IS receiving. You don’t give to get. You give, and automatically in giving, the love is returned, even if not immediately or how you think it may be returned.

Meditate With Me For Loving Kindness & Happiness

It’s also good to remember that we are all the same, and we all want to be loved unconditionally. Even those who hurt us are really crying out to be loved. So if we can look at another’s harmful behaviour towards us as a cry for love, perhaps we can soften to the shared human condition of wanting to “get” love, and just give them some of our own instead of lashing out. Sharing is caring! I hope this helps dismantle and melt the armour around your heart so you can give and receive unconditional love from your own well of self-love.

Lee Spirit is an avid outdoors adventurer with a love for nature, photography, health & fitness, wellness, and spirituality. She helps those who suffer from anxiety & negative thinking to become healthier in mind-body-spirit. Her own personal journey has led her to the  study and practice of mindfulness, health, wellness, yoga, spirituality, sound healing, meditation, and personal development for over 20 years. Get mindfulness, meditation, and personal development tips in her Free Natural Mind Healing Report.